Life is Complicated

Last Saturday, I got to go to the Hearts at Home National Conference in Bloomington and it was such an exciting thing to be a part of! Over 6,000 women from all over the country, including Michelle Duggar from 19 Kids & Counting!  I never really knew all that much about the Duggar family but she really was an inspiration.  It was a really long day of driving, sitting, listening, and more sitting in a hot auditorium packed wall to wall and I admit, at the end of it you feel a little overwhelmed with all the information you have received.  It's tempting to feel like you have to apply all of what you heard at once, and when you realize you can't do that, you end up not using any of it.

 I am a note taker, and I love writing lists. I have always lived by my calendar (Ever since I was a little girl my mom said I would wake up & first thing cross that day off the calendar, except for one month when I lived in Mexico-that was the one & only time I didn't have one and I didn't care!).  So I took my notes at the seminars I attended, writing down all the points I thought were important and that I thought I could take with me and use in my own life.  Maybe one of these women had the magic answer. Maybe some expert could tell me the perfect way to live my life.  Isn't that kind of how we think sometimes? 

But lately I've been thinking about how life is more complicated than checking off the boxes on your to do list.  That it's just not that easy as doing this, that and the other.  And that even if I control every little detail in my life,  it still won't be perfect.  And I think that's kind of how I felt when I first started writing this blog.  Maybe if I complete all my goals--like my New Year's Resolutions--I'd have it all together.  If I got organized, ate all the healthy foods, got my body in shape, did all of the "right" things, then surely I'd feel in control of my life. Because I can control those aspects of my life, so I cling to that. I don't know what it is about that control thing with a lot of us women but it sure is hard to let go of.

Then, at the seminar one of the speakers Julie Barnhill talked about taking back your brain, as in own your thoughts and decisions, and stop depending on everyone else's opinions.  Stop looking to all the experts for all the answers and worrying about what they tell you to do.  Just do what YOU think is best, and go with that and don't second guess yourself a million times.  Well great I came here for answers, and I'm being told to STOP looking for answers, that she doesn't HAVE the answers!  Well, the best point I took from her is that to give up the control you need to stop looking outside for all the answers, and stop believing that everything is contingent on you to get it all right & fix it all, and realize that God is really in control and trust him with it.  For me, it's learning that it's not about trying harder and looking outward (to "the experts), or even inward for answers, but looking to God and working on my faith.  I now feel like if I do that, the rest wil follow (being a better mom, wife, etc.)

The biggest thing I took from all of these women (authors, celebrities, doctors, speakers, radio personalities, CEO's....) is that even in their wisdom that they are sharing, they still don't "have it all together".  They STILL struggle with the same things that I do and that all of us do!  Well, crap. What a relief...and a letdown.  If they don't have all the answers, then who does???  These women who are the role models, they're a mess just like the rest of us.  So it just reiterated to me that life is complicated, and that there is no magic equation to avoiding the mistakes we are bound to make.  Sure, I can work to better myself and I should, but I can't expect a miracle overnight, and I'm still going to mess up along the way.  And oh do I mess it up sometimes.

So although it's scary to have your bubble burst by seeing that even the ones you look to for guidance & inspiration don't have it all, it's a great lesson about the journey we're on and that we don't ever 'graduate' from needing help, we aren't ever bullet-proof from bad things happening, we're not immune from making mistakes.   In fact, the common thread in all these women's lives was their dependance on God for strength, not to make their lives perfect but to get them through the ups and downs. 

That's not going to stop me from being somewhat of a perfectionist, or reading parenting books, and I'm definitely not going to stop taking my notes!  But now I have the idea, I just have to follow through.  Next post I'll share the most important things I took from each speaker because they really did share some great info, just don't want this one to get too long with too much information!